Get Your Ex Back If You’ve Been Too Controlling
It happens in a lot of relationships. One partner becomes too controlling and smothering of their mate. They demand to know where he/she was at all times. Tried to prevent them from spending time with their other friends. Tried to force them to spend all their free time together. In some cases, it gets even worse, requiring them to have dinner ready by certain times, laundry done in a certain way, etc.
This smothers your ex and at some point they give you the boot. What at first was kind of cute or a sign of affection becomes smothering and neurotic. Usually it is males that are too smothering, but it can be women as well. Your partner cant breathe and lose their love for you rather quickly. If they are healthy, they will show you the door and say thanks but no thanks.
Ok. Now here you are all alone again. Maybe its been a week or a few months. You are missing your ex terribly. You want them back in your life. Is there anything you can do to bring them back to you?
The answer, honestly, is that it depends. Some controllers created too much pain for their ex to ever take them back. Some controllers will need therapy before they can really expect to have any healthy relationship. Confusing power over with love will destroy the intimacy in any relationship.
You may, however, get your ex back if you didn’t cause irreparable harm. And that begins with seeing that power over and need and dominance are not the same as love and intimacy. If you see that controlling behaviors like keeping them from friends and making them account for their time away from you is not healthy, that is a good beginning.
The question is, did you learn something from the experience of being dumped by your mate. If so, that is something that can actually help you get your ex back.
The next part is to convince them that you have learned from losing them and that you won’t repeat that behavior. You do this with a powerful apology conversation that involves owning up to what you did and then listening to them vent as they tell you how your controlling behaviors damaged their feelings for you. If you can do those things, you may create room in their heart to think about actually taking you back.
There is much greater detail to these steps than we have room for here. But learning from your mistakes and convincing them of some of what you’ve learned can go a long way towards getting your ex back, or at least create some room for them to consider trying a date or two with you again.
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